Episodes

Radio Free Mormon: 93: Lila Tueller’s Faith Journey

Lila Tueller is the daughter of  Hartman Rector, Jr.

Lila talks about what it was like growing up with a famous General Authority for a father, and how her faith journey ultimately led her out of the LDS church.

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32 thoughts on “Radio Free Mormon: 93: Lila Tueller’s Faith Journey

  1. I feel like this is an important episode. We still hear statements from general authorities that the Church does not try to hide its history, but again, yet another first-hand testimony of a church leader pleading with someone he can influence to keep them from publishing unsavory facts. I know the Church is not alone by a long shot in this behavior, but the phrase “we are not afraid of our history” absolutely does not fly. Thanks for this episode, RFM and Ms. Tueller!

  2. Thanks Mike!
    Yes you are right about that. They have tried VERY HARD for decades to hide their unsavory history. To say otherwise is a blatant lie. The age of information is here and it’s not going back!!

  3. Thanks RFM, Bill, and Ms. Tueller for a great episode. Thanks especially Ms. Tueller for sharing your personal stories with us. One of my biggest issues with the Church is the lack of transparency and so I greatly appreciate your transparency and openness in discussing your experiences.

    I especially found it interesting to hear about your brother’s time at Sunstone and his phone call with Pres Packer. I think it’s crazy Pres Packer asked your brother to shut down Sunstone. Has Pres Packer not read our Church History? (The destruction of the Nauvoo Expositor printing press didn’t go so well for the Church Leaders in 1844) Does he not understand that trying to silence the Press is highly frowned upon in the United States? It’s the 1st Amendment of the Constitution for Pete’s sake. Well, at least Pres Packer didn’t issue an order to have someone physically destroy the Sunstone printing press (as far as we know).

  4. According to Wikipedia, it looks like Daniel Rector was the Publisher of Sunstone from 1986-1991. Ms. Tueller, do you happen to know the reason behind him ending his stint as publisher in 1991? Just wondering if the pressure he felt from the Church, friends, family, etc. caused him to turn over the job to someone else who maybe was not as connected to the Church leadership.

    Thanks again Ms. Tueller. I think these types of podcasts are great for helping us members get a better look at what is happening behind the curtain. The Church leaders tend to share very little with us regarding the reasoning behind the decisions that are made so insights like yours are helpful.

    • One can only guess that Daniel was immediately afflicted–struck dumb or such–by Brother Boyd’s apostolic curse, and thus was unable to be publisher or anything else–to this very day! – Really, Packer’s “curse” would be incredible except for the fact that in his case it is so very believable (and laughable). Almost deserves an episode of its own.

    • Yes, I do believe it was the pressure from my Father and of course the Apostolic Curse! Poor Dan… he was the best of the best❤️

    • Sorry I replied to the wrong person so I’ll just repeat that I believe Dan quit as publisher because of the heat he took from my father about it. He didn’t want to quit.

  5. RFM and Bill, I think it might be interesting to hear a future podcast that compares and contrasts the Nauvoo Expositor events (1844) with the September Six events (1993). I’m guessing there are probably many similarities. Has anybody done a compare/contrast analysis on these events before?

  6. Wow! Thank you Lila, RFM, and Bill. Ryedog3 the Ironrodpodcast did an episode on the Nauvoo Expositor which gives much insight but not the comparison contrast to Sunstone. It is a starting point. I used to listen to Hartman Rector Jr. with such wrapt attention that I would sound much like him when discussing things with other missionaries. I liked his accent a lot. Back then as missionaries we also shared Paul H. Dunn tapes with great enthusiasm. I remember a missionary couple in my first area.They were salt of the earth but one time he shut down a discussion with her by saying “I have the priesthood.” I thought then about D and C 121:41. “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion by long suffering by gentleness and meekness and by love unfeigned.” I didn’t preach that to him: I just thought about it. This scripture came to mind again while listening to this interview. I find now ( which I seemed oblivious to for years) that “the most correct book” must not have been consulted, pondered, or prayed about in regard to polygamy as in Jacob chapter 2 and blacks and the priesthood as in 2 Nephi 26 …”and denieth none that come unto him, black and white bond and free”. Thanks for mentioning those other podcasts. I’ll have to look them up. I have also found the Puremormonism blogspot by Rock Waterman helpful. That was my starting point about four years ago while trying to make sense of things and he strongly recommended RFM. Thank you very much,RFM, Bill, and especially Lila. I thank you for your courage and communication skills. This has been most helpful.

    • I really enjoyed your comments Lila I’m sorry you missed out on time with your dad when you were young I’m about your age but was raised by a jack Mormon he became active as I left on my mission and stayed active till his death he really enjoyed your father’s talks and his military service he especially loved the way your dad described feeling and understanding the spirit your dad ounce poped in on my elders quarm lesson out of the blue in kuna Idaho to the 10 or so 20-30 year olds we really enjoyed his take over of our lesson and he even stayed a few minutes late to get to know us individually I’ve been very active my whole life my wife and kids don’t know what to do with their rock solid father who is suddenly asking questions and avoiding church at every turn it s just not working anymore this has been just down right tough to find these things out from the gospel topic essays I got up in testimony meeting 6 months ago and blurted out that I would have shot Joseph Smith too my stake president and bishop will not let me approach the podium now but that’s ok lost sheep don’t have the value they ounce had but these are things that many of us who so enjoyed teaching gospel doctrine and the so called history of the church must now live with its all good. We too will be blessed for the things we are called upon to endure thanks so much for sharing your experiences forgive your father he lost out on a lot also keep your will and your life inside your own navigational beacons listen to some good music most of all do some more interviews you were great to listen to just hang in there life will give you all you deserve

      • Bill… I can’t seem to get my comments to apply to the right person, but you said some very kind things. Thank you! I’m mostly happy now, all the time! Life is great post-Mormon!

    • Thank you Jim! I appreciate your comments. I have been very confused about these same topics and the discrepancies in the scriptures and doctrine.

  7. I loved the interview today with Lila Tueller. Very great, thanks for doing it.

  8. This was absolutely wonderful. Such courage and integrity goes to Lila. Lila, hoping the rest of your life that you live in the reality of your true self. Thanks guys for another wonderful podcast.

  9. As I was listening to the part of the Podcast where you were describing that General Conference talks were written out in advance and that transcripts were given to the press ahead of time, I am reminded that before the Internet broadcasts, we used to go to the chapel to listen to Conference. The closed captioning would usually be on in the broadcast in my chapel. It would not be at all unusual to see President Monson’s talks drift away from the pre-prepared closed captioning. Suddenly the closed captioning would stop, and then it would start again but it would be jerky and hesitant, and contain misspellings and grammatical errors, as the people running the closed captioning were actually trying to type and keep up with Elder Monson in real time. He really couldn’t be kept “on book.” 🙂

  10. Hey RFM! Around 57:00, you mentioned wanting to check an article in the May 1981 Ensign. While I’m afraid you’ll have a hard time finding a digital copy of this issue online, you might be interested to learn that many of the official Conference Reports have been published on archive.org (https://archive.org/details/conferencereport), including the April 1981 issue.

  11. The Church seems to be thoroughly scrubbing all of their online searchable content of anything they want to currently revise in its history, except the apologetics; hence the transcript edits. You can Google search any website & its subpages by using the following pattern in the Google search bar, as an example I’ll use “second anointing”:
    “second anointing” site:www.lds.org

    (Which they missed one reference last time I searched that). I’ve just given you the (search) keys to the kingdom (until they figure this out & information hiding/control & revisionist history continue). Happy searching!

  12. This was one of my favorite episodes because we got to peer into the heart and experience of a fellow traveler.
    Please consider including more interviews.

  13. I thought Brother Rector’s talk on being nice was probably the best I have ever heard in conference -certainly the most basic rubber hits the road daily life message for me. In Moroni 7 it goes over the importance of charity and ” patient, kind, and not easily provoked” are three things I say to myself every day. There is much of charity that is covered in the word NICE. I have got to read that talk again. Thanks for the reminder.

  14. Great episode! Lila’s story and insights were a joy to listen to. A childhood friend of mine was Hartman Rector Jr.’s grandson and shared the name Hartman. Perhaps Lila’s nephew? Would love to find out where life has taken him.

    • Hi Mark! There are three grandkids by the name of Hartman.
      Hartman Daniel Rector
      Hartman Andersen
      And Hartman Rector III

  15. This hit close to home with me, since Elder Rector stayed in our home for a week or so when I was a teen, and he subsequently stayed in close contact with my dad. I was disappointed (but not surprised) to learn that he wasn’t the easy going guy at home, that his remarkable public persona showed. And learned more of the dark side of BKP (I also had first-hand shaming experience with his dictatorial style while I was in a stake presidency). Thanks for this interview. I felt Lila as a friend, with our tiny slice of shared experience.

  16. I shared with a friend some of the stories from Lila of her father. This friend shared that his father met Elder Rector and asked him how to get his boys to cut their hair. This would probably have been in the late 70s or early 80s. Elder Rector told this father that if hair length was the only thing that worried him about his boys, then he should let it go, there are bigger things to worry about. I then shared with my friend Lila’s story about Dan. We couldn’t help but conclude that perhaps Elder Rector regretted the episode with Dan and so advised this father not to repeat his action. It made a difference in the life of my friend, until he got old enough that he lost all his hair anyway. 😀

    Lila, thank you for the stories!

    • Rob… that’s really interesting! I overheard my father say those very words to someone he was on the phone with!
      I remembered thinking the same thing… that he had not followed his own counsel.

  17. I think this is my favorite episode you have done. Thank you to the woman who felt it important to share her story. I find it very important and will be helpful for others in her same situation. I recently saw Gong’s son post about some difficult issues. The family members of the leaders have a voice, and a lot of us want to hear it. Thank you!

  18. Thank you Lila for your honesty and articulate manner. You have hit so many nails right on their heads. “Too little, too late” exactly fits how I feel about blacks in Church history.

    An amazing episode, thanks for sharing Lila, and thank you RFM and Bill Reel!

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